I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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