I'll bet she douches with gravy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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