As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
