chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
