i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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