apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
