I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
