Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
