I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
