I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Randomize
