Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
