That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Even my vagina gasped.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
