do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
