Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
