once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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