member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
