I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
