roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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