Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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