Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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