Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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