So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I understand Curling. That high.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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