he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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