theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
