worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
