this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
