I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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