I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
