in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize