I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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