I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
