Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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