I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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