This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
