I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
