You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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