I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
