well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
