im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
