I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize