Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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