is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize