walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
