I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
