we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
