I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
