You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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