dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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