I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
