i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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