you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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