Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
