the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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