I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
