the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
