dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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