3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he thought i was a dude.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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