Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
