While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
