i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
