I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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