I'm eating all of the evidence.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
