My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
