If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
