Fuck appropriateness.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
