The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
