My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
