There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
