Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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