I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
