Sponge bath it is.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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