I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think my tv is drunk
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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