Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
