I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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