Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
that is very illegal...i love you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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