okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
