i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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