Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize