Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
