Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
