You really coming over, don't trick.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
