Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
