WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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